I've been experiencing "the want" again. I am seeing a lot of friends and acquaintances getting pregnant with their number two and I wonder when or if my number two will come along. My heart is up to its old trics, convincing my brain that, as the end of each cycle approaches, I am indeed pregnant. Sigh. Cold reality hits again and again as I realize I am indeed not pregnant.

I know I would be ok if we just had Matteo for the rest of our lives. He is the biggest joy and would fulfill my motherly needs wholeheartedly. But...how do I stop the want?

I am thankful, everyday I say a little prayer of thanks for the life and family I have. I know there are couples out there that struggle, as we did, to have a baby. They will continue to struggle and it's as if we won the lottery with Matteo. I just need to pinch myself when I start living in the future instead of in the now.

My friend Daniele has unknowingly inspired me to update my blog, finally!

It struck me this morning while emptying the dishwasher, of all things! that life is good. There are the obvious reasons, great baby, home over our heads, Mark has a good paying job that allows me to stay home with said baby, we are healthy, we have good family and friends, etc. Underneath all this, though, lies a wonderful marriage. Without that, all the other stuff wouldn't mean a thing. I have it so good with such a loving, giving man that I am just in awe that I lucked out the way I did. It's just wild to think, given that I was alone and miserable not just five years ago, that I have all that I ever dreamed of and more. Crazy how life turns out that way. I always felt that the universe owed me some big debt given that I had a bit of a rough childhood, and it has paid off! I could go on and on...

And the cherry on this sundae? Matteo. My tater tot. He is such the second love of my life. The love runs so deep that I couldn't even enjoy my favorite place on earth, Vegas! My new favorite place on earth is right beside my boy. I'm so very thankful that I can stay at home with him. I get to watch him grow, learn new things and nurture him myself instead of leaving that up to someone else. He makes me laugh everyday. Putting into words what he means to me is not possible. He puts life into a better perspective.

Yah, life is good.

Wow, I just don't know how much time I can devote to a blog anymore, being a new mommy and all. Matteo takes a lot of time and effort and is worth every bit of it.
I was tentative about staying at home with him without Mark to help, but our first two weeks went pretty well. Mark is home again now, off for the holidays, and I'm sure when he goes back again I'll have some issues, but we'll get back into the swing of things pretty quickly, I'm sure.
One of my main goals now is to loose some of the baby weight and then some. It's been really cold outside, which has thus far squashed my goal of getting out and walking everyday w/ baby and dog. I hate dieting, so I'm going to go the exercise route this time. We'll be getting an elliptical w/ our christmas funds and I hope that I will use it on a regular basis and it doesn't just become a giant clothes hanger like all exercise machines before it.
Anywho, here are some more recent pics of our little man

He's here. Matteo Laurence graced us with his presence on November 20th at 1:44pm. He weighed 7 pounds 11 ounces and was 20.5 inches long. He is wonderful! He is every positive adjective out there. I love him more than anything and am still in awe that we are parents.
We have been home now for a few days and are adjusting to the demands of parenthood. He is a good baby, overall, but becomes cranky during a diaper change.

Here are some pics:


Mom and Matteo right after delivery



Matteo right after delivery


Breastfeeding at the hospital



Cutest baby ever (Click for more pics)

Well, tomorrow we get to meet our baby boy. We have a scheduled c-section, as it turns out he is a big boy and a narrow pelvis. He is not moving down, I stalled at one centimeter and so it is. All the planning and preparation for a vaginal birth sans pain meds is out the window. I'm ok with this, as I'd rather have a planned, calm c-section than be in labor for hours on end trying to push a out a baby that just won't come out and end up with an emergency c-section. I'm still deathly afraid of the epidural, but will get through that.
As Mark says, it's a bit surreal to know that by tomorrow at this time we will be parents. As if this whole nine months hasn't done enough to convince us, it will only be real once he is here.
So, deep breath in, relaxing breath out!