How to stop the want

How do I stop wanting a baby? It seems that I've been consumed with nothing else for at least the last two years. I think I must be becoming an obsessive compulsive over this. To quote National Lampoons Vacation, not really, I'm on a quest to have a baby, praise babies! (the real line is "I'm on a quest to see a moose, praise Marty Moose").

Now the we are on a break from conceiving through medical intervention I find that my consumption with babies is at an all time high. They are everywhere I turn. When I finally have found peace from kids I run into pregnant ladies. The world is filled with families. It is especially exaggerated to me now that I can't have one. It would make it a little easier to dial down the desperation if I weren't bombarded with what I want most on a daily basis.

I wish I was one of those strong women who could see the silver lining here. I wish I turn this into a chance for personal growth or some shit like that. I feel like I'm taking the opposite road here and becoming a selfish, bitter, jealous woman instead. I think I'm, at heart, a good person, I hope I am anyway. I fear I will be so changed by this experience that until I have my baby I will be unbearable to be with. Which leads me back to my original question, how do I stop the want???

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I wouldn't wish this on my worst, most hated enemy. The funny thing is is that when I find out people I know are pregnant, I feel the worst case of jealousy. Why do I feel this way when I wouldn't want them to experience this?? I should be happy for them that they don't have to experience, month after month, the negative home pregnancy test. I guess I just wish I could be part of that group as well.


Mark and I have devised a plan that I hope will help stop the want:

Step one: Enjoy each other again without the weight of the drugs, doctors, sterile procedures and hormones weighing down upon us.

Step two: Travel. Now that we are still unfettered, why not see the world? We want to try to save some money for round three, but we also want to get out and explore while we still can. This step, in essence will add to and support step one.

Step three: While this step may not help, we are going to try to conceive (ttc) on our own. Just go back to nature and the basics on this one. It will still send me to the toilet with test in hand each month, and it will continue to feed my addiction for peeing on a stick (poas) but I don't think I couldn't not try right now.

I'm sure we will discover more steps as we find our way and become more comfortable in our new world of relaxation, and fingers crossed it will all help stop the want.