Well, tomorrow we get to meet our baby boy. We have a scheduled c-section, as it turns out he is a big boy and a narrow pelvis. He is not moving down, I stalled at one centimeter and so it is. All the planning and preparation for a vaginal birth sans pain meds is out the window. I'm ok with this, as I'd rather have a planned, calm c-section than be in labor for hours on end trying to push a out a baby that just won't come out and end up with an emergency c-section. I'm still deathly afraid of the epidural, but will get through that.
As Mark says, it's a bit surreal to know that by tomorrow at this time we will be parents. As if this whole nine months hasn't done enough to convince us, it will only be real once he is here.
So, deep breath in, relaxing breath out!

Here's a progression of my belly. We didn't start taking belly shots until I was 11 weeks. I just wanted to wait until it seemed we were in the clear for the pregnancy. Obviously I paid no attention to where we took the pics or how we took them





These were taken the night before Matteo was born






39 weeks





36 weeks




Halloween 35 weeks




34 weeks




33 weeks




31'ish weeks




30 weeks




29 weeks




28 weeks





27 weeks





26 weeks




25 weeks




24 weeks





23 weeks



22 weeks


21 weeks


20 weeks


19 weeks


18 weeks


17 weeks


16 weeks


15 weeks


14 weeks


13 weeks


12 Weeks


11 weeks

We've got a boy!

We had our "big ultrasound" on Thursday and found out the good news. We were afraid that the baby wouldn't cooperate and we wouldn't be able to tell the sex, however our son is not ashamed to show off what God gave him. The tech put the paddle to my belly and bam, there was the penis. He measured a bit big, at 10 ounces. I could see on the screen that some of the measurements put me at 20 weeks, even though I'm only 18'ish. They still wouldn't change my due date and are just going to say that he is big. Ok. Above all, we are just so thankful that he appears healthy and normal w/ no genetic abnormalities. Because of this, we have chosen not do to the amnio. Too much risk for us.

Here are the pics of our little guy:

This is the pic that confirms he's a boy. Those are his two legs and his little member.


Here's a head shot


Cute foot


Another head shot

One giant leap for Toffoli-kind. Another successful appointment today!! And a great pic of baby Toffoli to boot! Today was the first trimester screening, to test for the possible chances of Down Syndrome.

In other words: "The scan is carried out at 11-13 weeks pregnancy and assesses the amount of fluid behind the neck of the fetus - also known as 'the nuchal translucency'. Babies at risk of Down tend to have a higher amount of fluid around the neck. The scan may also help confirm both the accuracy of the pregnancy dates and the fetal viability. Its high definition imaging may also detect other less common chromosomal abnormalities."

The doctor we met with was great! I think we intrigued him with our situation and it felt like he was going to take us under his wing. He seems very well informed of genetic/chromosome abnormalities, so we feel like we're in safe and knowledgeable hands. From the ultrasound he said things look good so far. They also took some blood work and we will get the results of our risk back in about a week.

We got to see our little one moving around, he was doing summersaults, turning around and such. The heart rate was 164 bpm, which is right on track and awesome. And now we have a pic that looks like a baby instead of a blob :D We'll go back in six weeks for the "big" ultrasound, to find out the sex and continue to make sure baby is doing well.

What a miracle. We got to hear our little one's heart beating today. There's no experience I've had so far that I can compare that to. It was simply amazing. Simply amazing and strong at 170 beats per minute. This seems super high, but is 100% normal, he is on track with other babies at 10 weeks.

I think up until now we have been living under the umbrella of guarded optimism, a completely normal reaction after you've experienced a loss. But now, now it is starting to feel real, the umbrella is being pushed back, the sun is shining and we can now let go of some of that worry and pain. We can start to enjoy this process instead of biting our nails with each ache, pain and moment of "what if?". Not that I've had many pains, rather, I've felt fine. Well, except for the super normal morning sickness and heartburn, which has only solidified in my mind that this pregnancy is strong.

Now that I've heard the heart beat I really really want to buy or rent a doppler machine. Remember when Tom Cruise rented one when Katie Holmes was pregnant? Man, I thought that just added to his crumbling public image, but here I am wanting to be able to hear that glorious sound whenever I want. My doctor doesn't think the cheaper ones out there are as sensitive as the one she used today, but I belong to a pregnancy forum where a lot of gals have bought or rented them and have had success. My obstacle right now, is talking Mark into going down this road of crazy with me!

Remember when I said I believed we are having a boy?

Here's why I think that:
In February of 2007, in a moment of sheer desperation, I contacted a psychic to see when or if we would have a baby. Judge me if you will, but remember, at this point I was at my wits end with trying to have a baby. Yes, finding out month after month that I had failed to conceive had driven me to contact a psychic. All the information I had to give her was my name and any previous pregnancies.

For the low, low price of $6, this is what she told me: "I am seeing MARCH and BOY.. so this is either birth month, conceive month or the month you find out in. I am also seeing you with two girls after, and they are either EXTREMELY close in age, or TWINS."

Well, since I got this message in Feb., I assumed the next month was our month. In March of 2007 we had our second unsuccessful insemination (IUI). The psychic was wrong, maybe.

She did predict twin girls though, which we would, of course, go on to miscarry. C'mon though, that's a pretty good coincidence, how common are twins??

So, here it was March 2008, and I had just found out I was pregnant. I remembered MARCH and BOY. It's silly, I know, but that's why I'm thinking we're having a boy. Plus picking one and sticking with it makes it easier to talk about, saying him instead of it or him/her.

Mark already thinks I'm nuts for believing in any of this, so I'm already getting flack from him, ad nauseam, so no need to join in! He is saying it will be a girl just to spite me.

P.S. Six bucks is not a lot to pay for a little bit of hope, which it turns out, is exactly what I needed at the time.

Phew! We had our second ultrasound this morning. We were nervous because it was at our second ultrasound with the twins when we discovered something was wrong. To make the event even more suspenseful/stressful they called us back 15 minutes late. They should know better!

So, we go in and right away she says the heartbeat is at 139. Right there, I knew. I knew that this baby is going to make it. That is half of what I wanted to hear. The second half came a few minutes later when she tells us the baby is measuring right at 7 weeks and one day. Well, according to our last ultrasound, that is exactly where I should be. The baby is growing!

So, we have reached three milestones that we did not achieve with the twins, growth, increased heart rate and morning sickness! It is just an incredible feeling. A polar opposite experience of the last pregnancy. Our little boy is thriving, and look how cute he is :D Granted, he still does not look like much, but he is gorgeous to me.

Of course, we will continue to hope for the best and pray for a healthy baby, but for right now we feel a sense of ease that is almost alien to us. I'm pregnant and I'm going to stay that way!!